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16 July 2010 @ 10:45 am
I'm loaded. Not as in alcohol, or as in a gun, but as in questions.

I wish I had some end point to this post, some next step. The thoughts aren't even complete. But I do want to get them down, get started on... something.

Past occurrences were necessary to arrive at where we are now, so if you're happy with where you are, those events must have been ok, right?

I've been called a Catalyst for Awesome. Friends have gotten out of bad relationships based on frank discussion, friends have started on that long-dreamed-of project based on passionate discussion, but friends have also gone epic places in their lives because of when I abandoned them. I don't want to abandon anyone again. Sometimes the catalyst has to change. /thread

I don't have set boundaries. Constantly in flux to best deal with situations, there are certainly lines that won't be crossed by anyone for any reason, but those lines are contextual and often more about those I care about than myself. It's protected me from a lot of hurt, but it's also unhealthy in the long run - both for me, and those I care about. I miss being a cyborg sometimes. It was certainly easier, though it lacked depth. So... how does one do that? Set boundaries, I mean. /thread

This kind of goes along with boundaries, but I need to know who I am outside of my communities. I have been existing for the communities I'm a part of. Again, not healthy. /thread

I don't take the sort of time to process things that others seem to. Maybe it's part of the "get over it" upbringing, maybe I'm actually processing that fast, maybe I'm not processing enough. But I end up seeing where I'm freaked out, why, and going back into the fray to face it head-on. I scream in the face of things. I call out the elephant in the room. With respect, mind you, and with love. /thread

Also need some sleep and a loooong motobike ride.

Hello, LJ. I think you'll be good for me.
06 February 2010 @ 10:53 pm
in the past two weeks, I've:
+ played on a playground
+ been on NPR
+ held hands
+ seen new people at Jigsaw
+ presented at Dorkbot Seattle
+ spent time with my tribe
+ been tempted to sing the national anthem
+ gone to art walk
+ met Mark Ganter
+ gone on a date
+ been gifted a couch
+ moved a LEGO motor with my mind
+ been kidnapped to a brass band performance
+ blogged on SPWS, and got picked up by MAKE
+ spent 12 hours in Jigsaw meetings
+ worked my rad job
+ eaten pears
+ been cuddled a lot (ok, just the right amount)
+ worked on my bike

this week, I'm:
+ going to NYC and Boston
+ peeling labels off video games
+ seeing Geoffrey Canada speak
+ (hopefully) finishing my bike
+ meeting Raine
+ seeing my sister in a play
+ visiting a bunch of friends and family on the east coast
+ maybe visiting MIT
+ working more at my rad job
stalker?: the Future
in the head: accomplishedaccomplished
30 December 2009 @ 05:05 pm
I'm taking a moment to further procrastinate on my law school application paperwork reflect on the past year. I've done a lot. I've learned even more.

Most of the things I've learned have been in harsh lessons, and in people caring enough to make sure I didn't get yet another round of ass kicking. I've emerged with my Tribe, and a Home, and the ability to accept my own vulnerabilities.

Where to even start? My life is made of up of regaling stories, of the amazing people I interact with, of experiences and meals and quiet moments. So I guess thank-yous are in order, though who I thank comes in alphabetical order.Collapse )

Jigsaw Crew. Thank you for taking initiative, and for working on such a long-term project. I'm so excited to see where this goes!

I am so fucking blessed to have so many besties, and so many good friends. I adore you all. Thank you.

(and if you feel I've forgotten you, please do let me know. I will totally tell you why I think you're amazing, and am happy to have you in my life)
stalker?: The Future
in the head: thankfulthankful
in the ears: Bottles and Bridges
09 December 2009 @ 09:08 am
I posted to my website. I have a website? Good lord, better fill it with content.

This particular content is asking a question, and I'll gladly take your responses here.
How does one warn others or even just talk about an Abuser without coming across as being a drama queen or having Survivor as your main identity?

Situation: I didn't reach out to people about Corey because I didn't think it was Proper or in-line with my world view. He then hurt other people. A lot.

Suggestions welcome.

(other than this, life is fucking fantastic)
stalker?: new home!
in the head: aggravatedaggravated
09 November 2009 @ 11:04 am
Hi, all. Life's been a bit crazy. Well, more than a bit. Lots of working on my bike, lots of working on my relationships, lots of projects, lots of learning.
One of the projects is a non-profit I'm director of called Jigsaw Renaissance. It's an emerging maker space - we focus on education and interdisciplinary interaction. We believe in passion-based learning and action-based thought. And we're gearing up to move into a space by year's end, so we can have work space and cooking space and hang-out space. To raise money, we're holding an event:

Jigsaw Renaissance Benefit Event
11/18/09 9p-2a
Heaven Nightclub
172 S. Washington St.
Seattle, WA

Dash EXP - dubstep
Toy Box Trio - classical/acoustic/crunk
Q - dub/industrial
Cathartech - experimental/noise
xben - mashup

$15 admission / 21+

I know it's a Wednesday, but it would mean the world to me if you'd come out to dance in support of a cause I believe in so much!
in the head: accomplishedaccomplished
24 September 2009 @ 03:55 pm
Willow has LSATs Saturday morning at 8a. She has 2 hours Thursday night and 6 hours Friday night to study for them. However, she believes the people who write the tests were not merely dropped, but thrown at the ground with no small amount of force by those who were meant to care for them most as small babies, and subsequently finds studying for the LSATs a retarded waste of time. Willow therefore needs motivation, which can be found in the following forms:

+ rewarding each round of a practice test with 15 minutes Fable 2 playing time
+ rewarding each round of a practice test with 10 minutes of riding on her motor bike
+ drinking alcohol (1 ounce in each cider, 3 in any mixed drink : wears off at 1 ounce per hour)
> only the alcohol can take place at the same time as studying
> only one motivational factor can be chosen for each section
> each section takes 30 minutes
> at least three sections must involve being rewarded by Fable 2 or the bike

- she cannot drink more than 3 ounces of alcohol in any hour without losing focus
- she cannot have any alcohol in her system before riding bike
- there should be a 1:2 ratio of alcohol to sections
- she cannot play Fable before having study time
- she must study for at least 5.5 of the available hours

What is the most efficient use of her time to get the most studying done without wanting to shank bitches "for the sake of high-speed cameras"?
in the head: aggravatedaggravated
28 August 2009 @ 12:42 pm

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it is to be a friend. I've been called out recently on making people feel important, but then not treating them as such. This causes me a lot of confusion, so I'd really like some feedback.

how I currently workCollapse )

Basically, this boils down to me being very good at making people feel special. I'm very good at starting friendships, though some are arguing that I'm not good at maintaining them. Because making people feel special is bad? Apparently when you do that, they want to spend time with you, even when you have made it clear you don't have time. Also, if you make someone other than a close friend feel special, it detracts from them? I don't get it. So what do I do? Stop making people feel special? Because I'm not good at that.

Serious confusion going on here. Please do give me some advice. Comments are allowed to be anonymous, and are screened. Please do say what you think. If you want it to be responded to and thus publicized, please say as such in comment.
12 August 2009 @ 12:37 pm
I have just realized that I can RSS from LJ into my google reader, which means perhaps I'll be a bit more active in posting replies to things. How exciting.

Life is interesting. I'm looking for personal assistant gigs, as I'm tired of my wigged job. And then law school. Eek!
Moved into a condo downtown with Baron. We're currently almost sort of done painting it, and have already trekked to IKEA a number of times and bookmarked more awesome DIY projects than I care to admit.
Matt comes to visit soon, Jen in early September, Mom and Dad in November, and Baron and I may be going to Boston mid September.
Went to Defcon, Vegas is excessive, also to Toorcamp and Ignite and etc. Happy fun times of travelling and learning a lot.

Trying to figure out how to give my friends enough time while still doing all the things I like to do. Have decided only possible route is a rift in the space-time-continuum, though I'm open to other suggestions.
03 August 2009 @ 03:56 pm
I'm presenting an Ignite tonight at the King Cat Theater. Show starts at 7:30, I go on in the second track (starts at 9:30). Will be talking about Jigsaw Renaissance, the maker space I've had the honor to participate in set-up for. Please do come out.
15 June 2009 @ 09:33 am
So back in Indiana, when I had started running and lifting and all that... I realized that I'm genetically predisposed to building muscle. I should have realized this by looking at my brother.

So I quit.

Girls aren't supposed to have lots of muscle, right?

Then I moved out to Seattle. And I got into Parkour. And suddenly I feel like a badass. (ie). I'm starting to look more like what Libby describes as "built like a brick shit house" when referring to certain individuals. I thought about worrying about it again. I've always been fairly comfortable with my body, but that doesn't mean I'm up to the task of the social rammifications of continuing to go full-throttle at an activity I love.

Then, having a picnic with some fellow Monkees on Sunday, we shared a quiet moment, munching on bread and cheese and meat, looking over Freeway Park. Brandee asked, "so Willow, what's your zombie weapon of choice?" And because I had thought this out, I didn't need much time to explain that I would use a machete, and listed my reasons. "You?" "Shovel." We discussed pros and cons of carrying around something so bulky. Baron pointed out a military folding shovel as his weapon of choice. "Janine?" "My hands. I just want to... rip them apart. Anything that gets in the way of movement is a danger."

Needless to say, Janine is a badass. She is also very feminine and built like a brick shit house.

And that's when I realized I really don't give a shit if doing something I love makes my form non-standard for social guidelines. Because I'm going to survive the zombie apocalypse. Maybe those skinny models will, too, but mostly because there's nothing on them to eat.

It used to confuse me, why so many people who were extrodinarily into tech and The Future were also into basic survival skills... but I think it has to do with being aware of how fucked up things are, and how fucked we might cause ourselves to be at some point.

Also, the endorphins are rad.

disclaimer: kicking zombie ass isn't the only survival skill. Also included are cooking, gardening, mechanics, etc... all of which I'm fairly limited at. Please don't take my joy in my skill set as devaluing your skill set. We'll make it work together.
in the head: accomplishedaccomplished